


Sharing Grief

by arcadia75



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Book: Full Circle - Kirsten Beyer, Book: Unworthy - Kirsten Beyer, Grief/Mourning, Other, relaunch novels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 10:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15459030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcadia75/pseuds/arcadia75
Summary: Two men have a conversation about loss.





	Sharing Grief

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains spoilers for Full Circle and Unworthy, the first two Voyager Relaunch Novels written by Kristen Beyer. The story takes place between chapters six and seven of Unworthy.
> 
> My tremendous gratitude to @devovere for beta reading this. Without your thoughtful and insightful comments, wonderful mix of encouragement and criticism, I don't think this story would have existed.

Tom entered the darkened mess hall and thought it was empty until the smell of coffee reached his nose.  He ordered a chamomile tea from the replicator and followed the scent to a table in the corner where he found Chakotay holding a teacup and wearing civilian clothes.  Tom had been disheartened when it was announced Chakotay would not be returning to captain this mission; he felt a measure of comfort that Chakotay was with them in at least an unofficial capacity.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Tom.”

“You expecting someone?” Tom indicated the full cup of coffee on the table.

“No, I just like the smell.  It makes it feel like she’s still here.”  He nodded at the chair across from him, inviting Tom to sit down.  “I’ve been trying to think what else she would do to try to help Seven.  I know, it’s kind of silly.”

Tom sat as he studied his former commanding officer, he didn’t need to ask whom Chakotay meant.  “I sleep with a sweatshirt of B’Elanna’s.” _The only difference,_ Tom thought _, was that he would soon be back with B’Elanna and Chakotay was never going to get that chance_.  “How is Seven?”

“As well as can be expected, I guess.  She’s with the Doctor over on the _Galen_.  Chakotay sounded tired to his bones, but then he raised his head and looked at Tom with steel in his gaze. "I had to help her, Tom. Her aunt -- Kathryn -- she doesn't have anyone else now."

“You don’t need to justify yourself to me.  I’m glad you were there for Seven.” Tom said without any bitterness.

Tom saw a wave of guilt pass over Chakotay’s face,  “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be a better friend to you this past year, Tom.  I mean, you lose your father, wife, and daughter all within six months, and here you are, completely keeping it together.”

 _That’s because I didn’t really lose my wife and daughter.  If all goes well, I’ll be with them in a few hours._ He shrugged, not fully comfortable with lying to his friend.  “I have my good days and bad days just like anyone. But, what else can I do?  I still have my job, my mom and my sisters. And, you know, Harry tries to keep my spirits up.”

Tom swallowed the sorrow that threatened to rise anytime he thought of his father.  He’d always regret that the final words he spoke to his father face to face were filled with such anger and hostility.  And while Tom was somewhat soothed by the final message he received from his father before he was killed, it didn’t stop Tom from wishing he could see him in person one more time to apologize for the things he had said.

“I’m still sorry.  I know I was pretty angry this past year.  As hard as losing _Voyager_ has been, finally being forced to confront my feelings about losing Kathryn has been the best thing for me.  Thank you for your part in all that.”

Tom nodded his acceptance of the gratitude and endeavored to steer the conversation away from his life.   “Why didn’t you tell any of us about you and Kathryn? You know we all would have been happy for you both.”

Chakotay sighed, “I don't know, I didn’t want to jinx us or something.  We took a long time to take that step.” He put his head in his hands, “That didn't exactly work out well for me, did it?”

He sighed and then leaned back in his chair,  “I’m actually surprised you or Harry never figured out something was going on between Kathryn and I. We talked on subspace a couple times a month the entire year before she died, and I know Harry was meticulous with those communication security logs.”  

Chakotay smiled slightly, and Tom sensed he was about to divulge the whole story.  “Right before the mission to the Yaris Nebula, Kathryn came out to Proxima Station for dinner and we-“

“You know what, I don’t need details,” the younger man teased. Then he was suddenly curious. “What were you going to do once that mission was over?”  

“Kathryn and I talked about some vague plans, but we were waiting until we were both physically back in the same place to make anything concrete.  I know I was considering giving up my captaincy to stay on Earth though.”

“Damn, I might have made captain then,” Tom chuckled and Chakotay grinned.  Tom considered all the times he’d seen Chakotay excited about a new discovery, “You really would have given up all this exploring?”

Tom watched as Chakotay swallowed and tried to conceal the deep pain that came to his eyes, “I would have done just about anything to build a life with her.”

Tom was reminded again of B’Elanna and everything he was about to sacrifice to be with her and Miral.  Everything he had already sacrificed to keep them safe. He thought that when the whole story came to light, Chakotay might be the only one who could understand Tom’s choices.  

Tom fought down the temptation to ease some of Chakotay’s pain by telling him the truth about B’Elanna and Miral.  He hated that he was adding to this man’s burdens by letting him believe that one of his closest friends was dead.

“Well, I’d better go get some sleep.  A first officer’s work is never done,”  Tom quipped to cover his discomfort. “Glad to have you back, Chakotay.”

“Thanks, Tom. See you in the morning.”

Tom put his cup in the recycler before leaving the mess hall.  He hoped in time that all of them -- Chakotay, Harry, his mom and sisters -- would forgive him and B’Elanna for their deception these past months.  But Tom pushed those doubts aside; misleading everyone had been necessary to protect his family. Soon he’d be able to hold B’Elanna and Miral again.  Tom recognized how extraordinarily blessed he was to have that chance.

Tom turned back one last time. Chakotay still sat alone, now clasping the coffee cup that made him feel closer to his lost love. Tom was glad Chakotay had found some small measure of peace.


End file.
